Now friends ... if I may ask a simple question without getting my head ripped off

why is there not a "generic anime shit" category on deviantart so I can stop seeing stupid cutesy anime girls who ALL LOOK THE FUCKING SAAAAME with cat ears on the frontpage -_-? Yes ... THERE I said it ... I'm so tired of this shit ... all you gotta do is draw some anime shit on this site and BAM 93845628365092834058203 faves and all the comments are "OOOH SO CUUUUTE I LUFFS YOUR ARTSES!" ... it's either that or someone is SO fucking popular that they can post a "work in progress" and get 10K faves within a day on a HALF coloured piece that is really just a screenshot of something they're working on in photoshop ... and you all know that you just fave the goddamn piece in hopes that his or her highness of popularity will MAYBE on the off chance speak to your sorry self and maybe YOU can feel a bit popular too ... oh my GOD you know who you are ... sorry I'm just PISSED at the way this site claims to be for ART but all you have to do is draw a fucking CHIBI and suddenly you've got the celeb status of Brad Pitt =__="

THE ABSURDITY ... IT OVERWHELMS ME!!!!!

I just had to put that out there...

it could be a contest .... but what should I do it on? I know the prize would be a free commission ... because I - being poor - have nothing else to give

so HAI GAIZ ... GIMME YOUR IDEAAAAZ!!! and I'll consider em or maybe be inspired and get one of my own and have me a super special awesome contest

on a side note ... I EFFING HATE VALENTINES DAY ... STUPID SINGLES AWARENESS DAY ... IT'S COMING UP THIS WEEK AND I CAN'T STAND IT ... GAH ... anyone wanna date me? HAHAHA ... YEAH RIGHT ...

I'm amazed at how many comments and favourites and adds and such I've been getting and stuff ... I'm SO grateful for all of the support on deviantart ... but sometimes I don't always get the chance to respond to EVERY single comment ... especially for comments made on my twilight fanart O.o ... so I dunno .. like this is just to say that if you REEEEEEAAAALLLY want me to respond to a comment ... like you have a question about something I did or whatever ... just send me a note and I'll be sure to get it. With the comment situation I hate to think that i could become one of those people who never respond to anything and leave people feeling neglected ... because I honestly love to get everyone's feedback sometimes my inbox gets too full and I don't get to everyone which sucks ... but yeah ... sooooo if your comment is something REALLY important or you have a question just note me I always respond to notes ... notes are love

MUCH LOVE TO EVERYONE WHO LEAVES ME COMMENTS

Just to let you know if you don't want to read depressing emo shit don't read this because it's pretty depressing emo SHIT -_-



I'm tired of crying ... I don't even think I have a reason anymore. I know it's stupid but is it so much to want something so bad. Is it so horrible to pour so much of my heart into everything and yet the world still throws me more of "oh you think you've had hurt? well I'll show you what hurt is!" ... I don't think I can take much more of this ... I'm trying to be positive and happy but honestly it's just so hard ... it feels like I'm doing all of this trying for nothing right now ... maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow but I doubt it. You ever wish you could just go to sleep and skip 5 years of your life and fast forward to a part where you're happy and you feel like you want to wake up in the morning and say "I am genuinely satisfied with my life" ... a day when you don't feel like you could burst into tears at any moment ... but you just laugh because people want to see you happy ... but you feel SO lonely inside and it's not even the 'I want a boyfriend' kind of lonely ... it's the I wish I could talk to someone kind of lonely ... there's this human kind of connection that connects us all ... but I don't seem to be able to relate to it ... it always just feels like ... I'm less of a person than everyone. Everyone says "oh I know what that feels like". NO YOU DON'T! I'm sorry but you don't know what it feels like to watch everyone and say "I want to be able to feel that way" but know you're so incapable of it ... but you know it is. You can't tell anyone because nobody wants to know that the happiest friend they have goes home and CRIES when they know no one's listening ... they'd be scared. Is it so much to ask that I can find someone who could make me feel even close to being a real person? Is it so much that I am asking to be able to love like everyone else does ... just feel SOMETHING instead of looking in the mirror and saying "I AM beautiful, I AM strong, I AM loving, I AM worthwhile" but then walking out the door and everything pointing to something otherwise ... I don't know ... I just don't know right now ... oh well. sorry this was really long and most likely a waste of time.

I have been tagged by ! I've never done one of these with the tagging business but oh wellz so here be the rules:

1. Post these rules in your own journal when tagged
2. Each person tagged must write 9 random (hopefully interesting) facts about themselves in their journal
3. Tags should write a blogpost (journal) of these facts
4. At the end of the post 9 bloggers are named and tagged
5. Go to their page to tell them they're tagged

nooow ... let me thinkses:

1. I'm mean on purpose ... to people that I supposedly "like"
2. I sometimes decide that I hate someone just by looking at them
3. I have personal space issues
4. If I like you I will do all that I can to help you out ... if I don't, I'll make up an excuse so I don't have to deal with you
5. I hate school
6. I write stories and draw comics that I hide and never let people look at
7. I sing in the car when I'm driving to the radio or a CD
8. I will only exercise if no one is at home
9. I can't cook (I burnt microwave popcorn )

the people I'm gonna tag aaaaare...